Paralysis of ExamResults

Results out.

DEPRESSED

Pre-stage-because of my worries, worry means to me that i'm weak enough to convince myself that i own the capability to score, to get 2nd upper class
On-stage- the results makes me blue and upset in the concerns of each subjects marks i scored. my ability was being challenged. effin' darn low marks. i was completely taken  aback. wtf! whats wrong man of the exams?
Excluding the TARC marks in calculation, the SHU subjects; average marks ((58+53+61)/3=57.3%). shoot!!! below minimum average marks of 2nd upper (60%)
it can be concluded that i'm not-that-effin'-good.

RELIEVED

only the '2nd upper' class award comforts my feelings, calms my emotions
now, i scored 61% average marks, nevertheless, 61% & 65% & 69% marks means differently to me although they all are categorised under 2nd upper class
61%, the dangerous edge of 2nd upper, i can't feel proud of that, of myself.

UNEXPECTED

Much unexpected affairs of the marks occurred
EBM  & SMM are comprised of 50% coursework and 50% exams
Scored 65% (EBM) & 66%(SMM) for coursework
my innocent thought is that the exam should be okay which leads to the thought that the final marks should be no problem as well
who knows the final marks... wtfffffff!!! effin; darn it shootly! i just felt a shot right through of my mind and gave me a bolt out of the blue
by calculation, i just scored 51% (ebm) and 40%(smm) in my exam papers. ewww~~

while for PIC which score the LOWEST mark (42%) for presentation part IN MY CLASS!! PROBABLY EVEN IN THE WHOLE COURSE
WTF! the GREATEST insults of mine in Lucas study's life!!!
it was such a heavy strike to Lucas, as an ever-the-best-presenter credited by certain tutors.. they are all blind based on my shitty performance  now
the face is lost to the limit. But i can hold it!! the whole situation I HOLD IT  WELL! controlling myself not to show heavy expression in front of my friends
for this subject, initially having the thought of "it must be 50++ something", and God knows the final marks be the highest amongst the 3 subjects
sometimes really "Man proposes, God disposes"

LUCKY, YES or NO?

with the helping marks of TARC, but isn't that TARC marks comprised of my effort in TARC exams?
can this be considered  as lucky or my own competence, more precisely?
how many days stay up the whole night in UK for the sake of coursework and exams?
it's uncountable , but what can I tell is that i'm getting thinner because of that
no pps drama and movies, no proper meals taken on time, no normal sleeping time
Nights are my days, a typical vampire life

never attend any official lecture, im just too sleepy and too lazy to wake up my mind and my physical body early in the morning about 9 or 10am
never take any note on my lecture note
however, i did attend 'most 'tutorial classes, paying attention 'most of the time', no preparing tutorial questions 'most of the time' but participating myself 'most of the time'

Am i lucky? Probably, but not certainly

p/s: An indirect effin' cool Quotation by someone..
"i'm not getting better, i'm always maintaining, it's just that you guys are falling back!"